10 Ways I am a Horrible Person and Mistreat my Children (AKA BOOKS)

So I’m pretty sure that if you have spent ANY amount of time on my blog YOU ALREADY KNOW I AM AN EXPERT STALKER. And as such, I am really good at stalking #. IF YOU LIKE FABULOUSNESS, CAKE, OR BOOKS IT IS FOR YOU. AKA EVERYONE). ERMERGERD. Okay. I’M ALRIGHT DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME I’LL JUST BE SITTING IN THE CORNER HYPERVENTILATING. The point of that was to say that Cait posted 10 ways she has damaged her own beauties, which basically makes me respect her more. CHECK IT OUT HERE.

SO SO SO this is a confessional for those of you who were wondering. I am about to tell you the 10 worst things I have ever done to a book. AND ON SOME OF THEM I AM A REPEAT OFFENDER. I am a horrible person basically hence the title. AND NOW FOR THE LIST (fyi there is no rhyme or reason to the order, just like everything else in my life).

1. ACCIDENTAL DOG EARS???

Am I the only one who hastily puts down a book to go do something obviously less important, only to come back to find that a RANDOM PAGE IN THE BOOK HAS BEEN DOG EARED?? And I’m not talking just a corner, so perhaps ELEPHANT EARED is a better expression??!?!?! Because sometimes it’s like half a page people. The struggle is real #persevere.

2. Spine Breaking (STILL)

This may sound mundane to you all, but I used to not really care about how my books look. BUT THEN CAME BOOKSTAGRAM. And before that, all of my books had broken spines. AND THEY STILL DO. OMG I’M AWFUL I KNOW. I hate myself. But I can’t help it. Sometimes I’m just to lazy to hold the book open (or probably I’m eating….probably always) and IT’S A HARD LIFE. And then I’m trying to get it to stay open so I can multitask like a boss, and next thing I know….I think you know the rest. AND I HAVE SACRIFICED A SPINE FOR AN OPEN BOOK BOOKSTAGRAM PICTURE. It just keeps getting better.

3. LEFT IT SOMEWHERE ELSE

This is so bad guys, like I AM A RESPONSIBLE PERSON I SWEAR. But my copy of Six of Crows has been in Mainz for LITERALLY TWO MONTHS. I hate it D: but I don’t have any way of getting it at the moment and I’ve passed all my chances up with forgetfulness. It makes me sad because I can’t take beautiful pictures of it * queue cry face *. Even though I can barely trust anyone else to even TOUCH my books, I LEFT IT IN ANOTHER CITY. How even??? I can’t understand anything.

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4. The Obvious

Who hasn’t spilled food on their books? Their own books, library books, books that the person next to you on the train is reading. JUST KIDDING (but am I? I swear I am, but who will believe me now??). I can’t even count all the foods I’ve spilled on my books. Spaghetti sauce splatters, soup, stir fry. I’ve even found dried up pieces of rice in a book once. SNACKS FOR LATER OMG. And obviously chocolate. There is like almost always chocolate.

5. Baths, anyone?

I TAKE BATHS WITH MY BOOKS. Books and water, you ask??? Well that sounds downright stupid. AND IT IS. My brain just doesn’t work right anymore. In case anyone is wondering where I got this awful habit from MY MOTHER IS TO BLAME. She does it all the time and now I do toooo. And it gets worse. I hate waiting for a bath to fill up (GET READY FOR TMI) so I let the bath fill up with me in it, but I also don’t like how loud the faucet is, so I’ll lay with the shower head on my chest. Needless to say sometimes there are writhing snake incidents where just everything gets wet. Also my little cat is obsessed with water and always has to come and stick her head and paws in it and then shake herself off. SO I HAVE A LOT OF BOOKS WITH WATER DAMAGE TO SOME DEGREE. Onward.

6. Cats

Yes, I am listing cats as a way I mistreat my books. I mean, you can’t trust a cat with any amount of time alone in there because things get R rated WAY TO QUICK FOR COMFORT. I’ll come back and see my beautiful stack knocked over, corners chewed (I’M PRETTY SURE MY CAT THINKS SHE’S A DOG??? She chews on literally everything and tries to eat plastic). They also like to LAY ON MY BOOKS. I’m just like….THAT MUST BE SO UNCOMFORTABLE OMG because I pretty much only have hardbacks…and CORNERS?? It’s a miracle my cats are still alive tbh.

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7. Dropping the Beat

Or rather dropping all the books. Another bad habit I have inherited from my (WONDERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL) Mother is using half of my monstrous bed as a storage unit when my bf is out of town. I don’t know how it happens, because when he is here, I have absolutely no trouble NOT doing it, but as soon as I’m alone it’s like an avalanche happened. And then there’s the fact that my bookstagram photo shoots take place on my bed 99% of the time because it’s the only place where I can get good light. SO BASICALLY I overcrowd my bed with books (because who even cleans up after a photoshoot??) and then they cascade onto the hardwood floor (WHAT IS CARPET EVEN?). In case you were wondering that is the worst sound in the world.

8. LOST THE DUST JACKET

Like, who even does that? Who takes off the dust jacket long enough to lose it?? Well, I used to do it ALL THE TIME. And I don’t even know how I did it, it just happened. That’s why I used to always just buy paperback books, but they usually were even worse off than the hardbacks…my new self would kill my old self now in a heartbeat if they met.

9. Mutilated Covers

This one is similar to the accidental elephant ears. ONLY IT HAPPENS TO THE COVER. Ever put a book in an especially narrow spot on the bookshelf? Or put it into your bag and SCREAMED AT IT FOR NOT GOING IN. And then you pull it out and realize WHY IT WAS NOT GOING IN and then SCREAM AT YOURSELF FOR BEING SO CALLOUS. Because the worst sight ever has to be when you completely ruin your cover and you could have prevented it. Like seriously you spent 3 whole minutes trying to shove that thing into the bag without pausing to see what might be hindering its journey downward. WORST.

10. Ripped Pages

Cait mentioned this one on hers AND I RELATED. I don’t know if I just am having spasms while I turn pages from the excitement or what, but THERE HAVE BEEN ACCIDENTS. I have ripped a page like almost in half. THE SHAME PEOPLE and also the freak out session afterward in which you promise never to hurt your baby book again and vow to bring it chocolates and cake for the rest of its life and then it slaps you in the face because those are things that are also not good for it so then you promise to crown it BOOK SOVEREIGN to rule them all.

SO A HUGE SHOUTOUT TO CAIT’S GENIUS because without her WHAT WOULD LIFE EVEN BE??

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What are the worst things you have done to books (WE ALL KNOW YOU HAVE SOME DIRTY SECRETS)???

 

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6 thoughts on “10 Ways I am a Horrible Person and Mistreat my Children (AKA BOOKS)

  1. I AGREE. LIFE WOULD BE TERRIBLE WITHOUT MY WONDERFUL GENIUS GRACING THE UNIVERSE. *twirls around majestically* 😊😊 Also I LOVED THIS POST. Except by “lvoe” I mean, it made me cry because oh the monsters we are to damage our books so. Although I’m kind of glad I’m not the only over-enthusiastic page turner. Like I don’t mean to??? It just happens? #sorrybooks And omg I’m pretty sure all bookworms have spilt food/drink on a book at some point.🙈🙊 When I first got my puppy, he also liked to sit at the base of my bookshelf and bite books. Least to say he stopped. Probably because I was screaming into the void. 😂
    Cait @ Paper Fury recently posted…10 Reasons I’ll Decide To Read That Book (And Nary a Kraken in the Seven Seas Will Stop Me)My Profile

    1. IT REALLY IS TRUEEEE!
      WHY THANK YOU monsters are a necessity. WE CAN’T ALL BE HEROES IN CAPES. And besides, villains make for a more interesting story anyways amiright or amiright?
      *nods curtly* we should create a club: FAST PAGE TURNERS ANONYMOUS. We’ll meet once a month.
      Also bless our beautiful pets’ hearts!

  2. Ahh this post is my life, especially the one where you try to force it into a gap and it won’t go! Breaking spines, I used to have like major guilt over, like sit there and work out how much it would cost to rebuy them all so there wouldn’t be anymore broken spines.

    Its making me feel queasy just thinking about it… but I’m just to lazy to hold open a book with all that strength. Breaking the spine is comfort. I like my comfort.

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