WELL HELLO THERE BEANS. We are here on this fine Tuesday to talk about our favorite topic:
Nothing beats delicious sass in a good book. Especially sassy dragons. If you know of any sassy dragons let me know.
ANYWHO since the topic for Top Ten Tuesday today is anything about characters, I thought GREAT LET’S SASS IT UP.
1. Mister Kindly (Nevernight)
First of all, I’m fairly sure that shadow cats that aren’t cats and have All The Sass count fully as actual characters and not magical pets.
Here are just one example of Mister Kindly’s sass:
“…bravo…W Mister Kindly said, “…if only I had hands to applaud…”
Mia smacked her backside. “I’d settle for lips to kiss my sweet behind.”
“…I would have to find it first…”
“Arses are like fine wine, Mister Kindly. Better too little than too much.”
“…a beauty and a philosopher. be still my beating heart…” The not-cat looked down at its translucent chest “…O,wait…”
STAHP I CAN’T HANDLE THE SASS I AM DEAD. I can’t wait to read Godsgrave and get even more sass from my favorite feline fiend.
MISTER KRISTOFF, YOU ARE A GOD.
2. Nina (Six of Crows)
Nina Zenik from the Dregs is so sassy and also her undying love of food (waffles in particular) makes her very close to my cookie monster heart. Honestly I can relate on so many levels.
ALSO her romance with Matthias Helvar is to die for?!?!? They are polar opposites and it’s beautiful.
“Have any of you wondered what I did with all the cash Pekka Rollins gave us?”
“Guns?” asked Jesper.
“Ships?” queried Inej.
“Bombs?” suggested Wylan.
“Political bribes?” offered Nina. They all looked at Matthias. “This is where you tell us how awful we are,” she whispered.
I swear I need to reread those books for no other reason than to bask in all that sass. Seriously this writing is GOALS.
3. Nik (Gemina)
So I am an official undying fan* of Jay Kristoff?!?!? He and Amie Kaufman did SUCH an amazing job with Gemina, it had me laughing out loud** which doesn’t happen.
I ACTUALLY DON’T HAVE A QUOTE FROM NIK ON HAND?!?! #rude. So you’ll have to excuse me on that because there is a cat on my lap and my copy of Gemina is all the way across the room. #priorities.
Nik is a character I thought I was going to hate, but ended up absolutely loving by the end of the book. HOW DO YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE. So many quips. AND SO MANY INAPPROPRIATE JOKES I CAN’T. So perfect.
*YES this means that I will actually never die
**THIS IS RARE. I am cold hearted and have no human emotions so laughing takes some serious black magic
4. Lila (Shades of Magic)
LILA BARD IS ME IN ANOTHER LIFE I SWEAR.
- Wants to be a pirate (like me)
- Is obsessed with magic (like me)
- Is Super Sassy (like me)
- And does what she wants (like me, because I’m an adult)
“You think this is a bad idea,” he said. It wasn’t a question. But it sparked something in Lila, rekindled the fire in her eyes and ignited a grin.
“Without a doubt.”
“Then why are you smiling?”
“Because,” she said, “bad ideas are my favorite kind.”
Seriously I never used to think I would ever want to reread books, but now I feel like I need to go and reread all of these tbh :,)
5. Alosa (Daughter of the Pirate King)
Alosa is 18202348% Pirate (it’s in her blood DUH). And I’m pretty sure a requirement of passing the Pirate Test is being sassy. And it’s no wonder she did so with flying colors!
“I’m a pirate,” I remind him.
“Yes. I just can’t figure out if you’re a good pirate or a really good pirate.”
OH YEAH. And Riden (the (very obvious bahahaha) love interest) IS ALSO VERY WITTY. As you can see above. Honestly there is just so much sass in this pirate book and I am in love.
6. Thorne (The Lunar Chronicles)
THORNE IS MY BABY OKAY.
Also out of all of the ships I probably ship Cress and Thorne the most.
Okay now I need to go and reread them all.
BUT FIRST TO BUY THEM. Because I read them as e-books and I need to just be able to hold them in my hands and smother them with love*
BUT SERIOIUSLY. Thorne with his witty thievery that is actually sentimental… GOTTA LOVE IT.
“Do you think it was destiny that brought us together?”
He squinted and, after a thoughtful moment, shook his head. “No. I’m pretty sure it was Cinder.”
wipes tears of mirth from eyes
Lord help me.
*by which I actually mean place them on my shelf so I can ignore them while they look pretty
I feel like Hermione is sassy. Like, yes she has the sass that most teenage girls have. But also sometimes she is unintentionally sassy, which makes the sass that much better if you ask me.
Also can we all just take a moment to think about how annoying she was in the first book bahahaha
I recently did a reread and I was soooo irked by her omg. BUT THANK GOD THINGS WORKED OUT and she became not so annoying.
“I hope you’re pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed – or worse, expelled. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to bed.”
Oh Hermione. What would those two ragamuffin boys do without you.
8. Jace Wayland (The Mortal Instruments)
SOMEONE APPLAUD ME I FINALLY STARTED READING THE SHADOWHUNTER CHRONICLES.
And excuse me but who let Jace be so sarcastic and witty. Honestly I was in love within moments.
“Haven’t you ever heard that modesty is an attractive trait?”
“Only from ugly people,” Jace confided. “The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me.”
BE STILL MY HEART.
He is literally this sassy all the time and if you haven’t read these books you must do so immediately.
Are there any sassy characters you would like to add to my list?? Have you read these books?! Do you agree with my Sassiness Assessment (dang that’s a lot of s’s)??