I Had a Dream

When I was a kid, I was completely convinced of two things: one, I was the niece of some millionaire that (although he had never met me or heard of me) favored me over my four sisters, and would leave me his fortune when he passed. Two, I was going to become a world-famous fantasy author. Much to my surprise, neither of those things have happened….yet.

At some point in my life I forgot about my passion for writing. I stopped keeping a journal, stopped starting stories that I never finished. I also never heard from that uncle. By the time I was 18, I, like many young people, was convinced that making money was more important than following my passion. I moved to Germany with the goal to start a career as a systems integration specialist like my Mom. I went through the hassle of getting my first contract, applying for my work visa, waiting in long lines and paying tedious fees, only to discover months later that my new boss was a tyrant. I woke up each morning fighting off the urge to hurl, and I fell into a deep depression, only made worse by the death of my sister-in-law, best friend and confedant. I applied for new jobs, deciding that if I couldn’t get a new one, and couldn’t get a new visa, I would quit anyways and go back to the US. That is how desparate I was. I was willing to give up the life that I had spent 3 1/2 years building with my boyfriend that I had gone through 1 1/2 years of a long-distance relationship with.

Luckily, I found a new job, and since Telekom is a fairly large company (fairly large is an understatement) and well known, my visa went through without much hassle. Now I am happier, but I realized that there was still something missing. Then it hit me! It was my writing. I had somehow forgotten my childhood dream, overwhelmed by thoughts that I had to give that up for a stable job and safe money. But that is wrong. To give up your dreams is to give up on yourself.

I started writing fantasy again, asking my boyfriend and close family to proof read my work. I’m far from finished, but when I am writing and I have a plan, it’s exciting when something new pops up as if my fingers knew it was going to happen before I did! The hope that someday people will read my work and enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it, gives me fulfillment.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t give up on yourself so easily. If happiness is the price you pay, then life is ripping you off. If there is something you love to do, try to find a way to integrate it into your life, even if it starts out small.


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