I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW. My feels are ALL A SCRAMBLE. I just finished this wretchedly glorious book and I AM STRIKING. TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN IN THIS BOOK. Which is good, but still my heart of stone has been turned to a pulp and I am crying.
I have to admit: I DID NOT THINK I WOULD BE ABLE TO GIVE THIS BOOK 5 STARS. Not under ANY circumstances because IT HAS A MAGICAL BOOB JOB/FACE LIFT. And I was like….#NO. Just no. WAIIII. And I was SUUUUUPER skeptical going in. I was pessimistic like the little pessimistic cucumber that I am. I am, in fact, the Queen of Pessimism. Just ask anyone that has ever met me. I wasn’t really sure I even wanted to like this book with it’s boob jobs and face lifts. BUT OMG EVERYTHING IN IT DESTROYED ME. Also the reasons for said magical alterations were sort of justified. I mean, I can think of arguments against them BUT I CAN SEE WHY IT WAS DONE. That being said….there were several points in here where it was painfully obvious that this book (in the point of view of a female character) was written by a man. MOVING ON TO LISTS WHICH EVERYONE LOVES.
- This list is going to be OH SO LONG.
- SO this book is ENTIRELY AND UTTERLY SASSY. I can’t get me enough sass. GIVE ME ALL THE SASS PLEASE AND THANK YOU BARTHOLEMEW. The narrator is sassy, Mia is sassy, and Mister Kindly is sassy.
- SPEAKING OF MISTER KINDLY. He is a cat made out of shadows and is basically Mia’s best friend but also he really likes making fun of her and questioning all of her life decisions. I AM APPROVE. He is my favorite.
- ALSO: this book is written with FOOTNOTES. It may sound strange. BUT THE FOOTNOTES ARE MOSTLY JUST MORE NARRATOR SASSINESS which we have established by now I am entirely a fan of. THERE CAN NEVER BE ENOUGH SASS.
- Cassius AKA THE LORD OF BLADES or as I like to call him FATHER OF THE NIGHT because he is just wholly and entirely badass. I feel like I’m the only one who loves him???? The second he walked in my heart stopped and I was like…SOULMATES and from then on I couldn’t get enough but there IS DEFINITELY NOT ENOUGH OF HIM IN THIS and I am The Sad. HOW COULD YOU JAY KRISTOFF????? #sorude
- And Mia could have been a soulless emotionless depthless assassin-main-character but she was so full of her own mixed and twisted feelings that she felt so real and I am also sort of in love with her???? SHE IS SO AMAZING.
- Tric is so precious from the getgo!!! (IS THAT ONE WORD???? DO I CARE??????? No. No, I do not. Moving on.) He has super insane smelling glands (is that even what they are called) and has a very tortured past giving him marshmallow insides and making us all fall hopelessly in love with him. Tric is the best of ever and I want more. NOW.
- Mia’s abilities to call the dark are SO COOL. NO. Cool doesn’t even begin to explain it??? She is so magnificent and powerful and she doesn’t even know how powerful she is??? Also she has a tragic past as well but the most tragic part of it is hidden from us until almost the end and it’s truly awful. SO AWFUL. Like, I couldn’t even stop myself from crying and I was in public and people were like what even is her problem??????? So embarrassing. BUT IT’S SO TRAGIC AND HORRIBLE AND HORRIFYING (which, of course, is a GOOD thing, my lovelies).
- This book is very much inspired by the Roman empire. At least, I think it is??? I haven’t specifically read that anywhere but I was totally getting Roman vibes the entire time!! I loved that! I loved that it could have a Roman feel to it without feeling particularly history-y because I find history to be completely boring. The made up deity didn’t feel annoying either (because usually I don’t like strong religions in books). The religions, while they do play a HUGE role, are very cleverly intertwined into the story so that it doesn’t feel forced or super churchy. IN FACT IT DOESN’T FEEL CHURCHY AT ALL. Even though several churches are mentioned. ANYWAYS.
- All of the Shahiids (AKA the tutors for the assassins) all have their wonderfully dark and mysterious quirks and I loved all of them. THEY ARE SO RUTHLESS and Me loves that.
- DID I MENTION SASS YET???
- THERE ARE BOOKWORMS. ACTUAL BOOKWORMS.
- ALSO back to Cassius because I CANNOT. He made me want to immediately sit down and start writing a super dark but stunningly handsome character of my own. Even though I knew nothing about him I just felt so drawn to him (don’t know what that says about my dark soul??? BUT WHO CARES BECAUSE BAE) AND I NEED TO WRITE A DARK BROODING MALE. THE END.
- Also in case you weren’t aware, THIS IS A BOOK ABOUT ASSASSINS. It does not have a happy ending. TO BE FAIR if you read the bit in the back of the book about Jay Kristoff he makes it very clear that it won’t have a happy ending. PLUS the very first chapter of the book tells us that the main character is dead. SO. TRY not to get attached. I DARE YOU.*
*SPOILER: I failed.
- The footnotes. I know I said I liked the footnotes but hear me out. So sometimes the footnotes were very pleasingly cheeky. Sometimes they made fun of Mia. Sometimes they made fun of other people. The really liked calling people stupid and foolish and dumb. AND THOSE ARE ALL GOOD THINGS. But there were also a lot of explainy footnotes that I found really boring and DON’T JUDGE but sometimes I skipped over them because ACTUALLY I DON’T CARE HOW THE THREE SUNS CAME TO BE. I don’t need a play by play. Just tell me that this god betrayed that and be done with it. ON TO THE STABBING PLEASE ISN’T THIS BOOK ABOUT ASSASSINS AND NOT SUNS???
- As I mentioned before, the parts that were painfully obvious that a man wrote it?? SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE LET ME TELL YOU. There were, for example, moments usually where people were joking about Mia having misplaced her bosom, or Mister Kindly joking about her having no butt. WHY WOULD A SHADOW NOT-CAT CARE ABOUT MIA HAVING NO BUT. COME ON, PLEASE.
- The fact that it is NOT ACKNOWLEDGED that men have different tastes in women other than Big boobs and full lips. Like….I get that an assassin needs to be pleasing to the eye so that she can seduce her marks and get secrets before she slits their throats in there sleep. I’M DOWN WITH THAT. But saying that that is the only way to look beautiful??? No.
Have you read Nevernight???? What was your favorite thing about it? What was your least favorite thing about it???? If you haven’t what is holding you back? (Honestly I almost didn’t pick it up because of the aforementioned physical alterations that seemed unnecessary BUT IT’S WORTH IT IF YOU WANT YOUR HEART RIPPED OUT. Trust me. You do).