Things People Ask You (Authors) You Wish They Wouldn’t

For those of you who were not aware, I recently published my YA fantasy novel Oasis in the Clouds WARNING: Shameless promoting about to be going on here! I’ve heard it’s a great read, so if you have any nieces or nephews or even yourselves with birthdays coming up… nudge nudge It’s available as a paperback on amazon!……. So back to the topic at hand, here are things that actual friends and family have asked me that I wished they hadn’t. FEAST.

  • Are you going to base a character off of me?/ Is this character based off of me?/ Are you going to use my name? /Basically anything that implies I have or should have used you in my book. Can I just say PLEASE REFRAIN. The answer is probably no. There are so many people in my life and probably none of them are evil enough or magical enough to be my characters. Not you, and not even my mother. Yes, I said it! But seriously, no offense. If you don’t know how to ride a dragon you are probably out.
  • Where’s my copy? UM. EXCUSE ME? I put tears, sweat, and probably more blood than I’m willing to admit into that book! (paper is sharp!). So you call yourself a friend, say you want to read my precious work of art, and you expect me to just GIVE it to you? Was it your birthday tomorrow? No? Then GO SUPPORT ME WITH YOUR MONEY. Of which I have none to buy books for all of my friends and family.

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  • How many have you sold? Really? Is it necessary to ask me this literally every. Single. Time. You see me? I think not. Probably, if I saw you yesterday, I haven’t sold many more copies than the number I told you then. Also am I looking at the amount every day? Definitely yes, but I will say no. Am I brave enough to tell it to you? Most certainly not, my friend. Because that number is probably definitely much smaller than I would like it to be and I am NOT a marketing guru!
  • Oh I have to read it! And then you DON’T. If you don’t want to read it, don’t pretend to want to. Please. My poor heart can’t handle it. Because if you say you are going to buy it and read it and tell me what you think, then I will believe you. AND THEN IT BREAKS MY HEART when you don’t. So PLEASE NO. Honesty is the best policy. Maybe, ‘Oh that’s so cool you published a book! But [insert genre] is just not for me.’ Then at least I’m not harboringfalse hopes.
  • Tell me the story? Like for real. If you are interested in the story and want to know what happened go read the book, dangit. Don’t expect me to give up all the secrets just like that!

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