Writers are a complicated species*. We love what we do. We also revel in complaining incessantly about what we do. It’s great! Here are a number of problems a writer may experience:
- why isn’t the book writing itself
- wtf characters are starting to kill each other of their own accord
- you accidentally wrote three chapters that are 90% food and you’re afraid no one will want to read it but you also have no regrets
- your plot holes are like the black hole that sucked up the sun
- you sit down to write and write 3 words in the span of 3 hours**
These are not uncommon problems, and if you’re NOT a writer this may sound new to you. That is why I am here to share with you all the complaints that writers everywhere have had of ever.***
*I do think it’s safe to say we are not human?!?!?
**hey, a word an hour is not shabby if I do say so myself
***maybe not of EVER??? But close.
Every writer at some point worries that the FBI or CIA or some other mythical organisation will show up on their doorstep and ambush their house, take them into a faux-mirror-filled room to interrogate them. Why?
Just look at their browser history:
- How to torture people
- Old torture methods
- Torture tools
- How to kill someone quickly
- Where to stab someone so they don’t die
- Who ate all my chocolate*
- What kind of poisons will kill a person slowly
- How long does it take a human body to burn
You get the picture.
We are a suspicious group, that’s for sure.
*SPOILER: it was probably me but I’m in denial
Now. We writers love our characters.
But why do we kill them all off, you ask??
Well, it’s because we love them that we kill them.
Let me explain.
No one ever cared about Bach, or Van Gogh, or The Man on the Moon before they died. See where I’m going with this??
ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER?!?!
Nevertheless trust me* when I say we writers have shed many a tear over the deaths of our favorite children!!
*NEVER TRUST ME IT WILL BE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE
The bane of my existence.
Editing is actual hell.*
My inner monologue when editing looks something like this:
- Dear god did a 5 year old write this
- who thought that that character quirk was a good idea
- what am I doing with my life
- DELETE DELETE DELETE
*I KNOW BECAUSE I’VE BEEN THERE. IT’S RED AND FIERY AND THERE IS NO CHOCOLATE AND NO DRAGONS
The Actual Writing??
I have a vague idea of what I want to write??! I have a beginning. I LOVE MY BEGINNING.
Wait. Where is the middle.
WHERE IS THE END.
Where is the plot??
WHAT DOES PLOT EVEN MEAN?!?!?
How did I accidentally kill all of my important characters!?*
WUT IS LYFE.
*It’s a struggle
A writer often feels discouraged when reading our own work.
WHY IS IT ALL SO PREDICTABLE
WHY AM I BORED.
I HAVE READ THIS 34773890934 TIMES
Wait. I HAVE READ THIS 34773890934 TIMES.
Maybe someone who has read it 0 times will find it less boring and predictable because they don’t have the whole thing memorized???!?*
*this is a harder realization to make than one would think
We love the internet. But it is also the worst thing of, like, EVER?!?
You know that feeling when you know you are procrastinating but you just can’t seem to stop?
You either stumbled across an Ellen video and ended up watching her youtube channel for 5 hours, got stuck on bookstagram, decided that working on your pinterest WIP board counts as time spent working on your book, or you got stuck looking at weirdly hilarious memes because you haven’t slept in 34 hours.
This is like, the epitome of a #writerslife.
These are just a few things that a writer may struggle with on a daily basis! If you are a writer, you surely know what I’m talking about. If you are not a writer, but know a writer who needs help, please contact 1800-WRITE NOW or just give them chocolate and pat them on the back.
If you are a writer what are some struggles that you deal with while writing? Do you find yourself googling questionable things? Who here has accidentally ended up watching Ellen on youtube for hours??